When was the last time you felt overwhelmed and unable to do it all?
Was it today? This week?
Me too.
Many moms feel continuously exhausted and overwhelmed, and that’s even more common now. A large part of that stress comes from the expectations we place on ourselves and the expectations we feel from others.
When I first stayed home with my son, I created a cleaning schedule and actually kept up with it. He took two decent naps, which gave me time to clean during the morning nap and start dinner during the afternoon nap.
Now I have two kids and my son rarely naps. I’m lucky to stay on top of the dishes and laundry. This phase of motherhood looks different than it did two years ago, and it’s unrealistic to compare the two.
So why do we hold such unrealistic expectations of ourselves?
The blessing and the trap of social media
Social media helps us stay connected with friends and family, but it often shows only the highlight reels. Seeing those polished moments without the messy reality of daily life can lead to unhealthy comparisons.
Even when we know our friends aren’t sharing their worst moments, it’s easy to feel inadequate—especially on a rough day. A perfect Pinterest image of a calm, smiling child can sting after you’ve just been head-butted during a tantrum. Some days we could all use a few cute cat videos in our feeds.
Society praises dads for basic parenting
There’s a cultural pattern that lauds men for simple parenting tasks while holding moms to an impossible standard. It isn’t about blaming dads—it’s about noticing the double standard.
Think back to seeing a dad with his child: people often smile, nod, or tell him what a great father he is. A mom in the same situation might get ignored or, worse, a disapproving look if a child reaches for something or she uses her phone to keep them occupied. One parent gets a confidence boost while the other’s confidence is undermined.
No wonder moms feel pressured to be perfect.
Perfection doesn’t exist
I’ve written before that a major key to making life easier is lowering your expectations of yourself.
Did exhaustion cause you to swap your meal plan for frozen pizza? That’s okay. The living room didn’t get vacuumed? That’s okay too.
Your children don’t need a perfect mom. They need you—your love, your hugs, your wonderfully imperfect self. They don’t need a magazine-worthy house or a Pinterest-perfect lunch.
How can a mom lower her expectations?
One day I realized a simple mindset shift that made me feel more confident. I was cleaning up around the highchair, about to get on my hands and knees to pick up food and then take time to scrub the area. I felt tired and didn’t want to do it.
In that moment I asked myself, “What would daddy do?” My husband would probably grab a dustpan to get the big stuff or use a spot cleaner like a Swiffer to tidy the area. He wouldn’t sweat the tiny details—and that’s fine.
Why was I judging myself more harshly than I would judge him? Like many women, I’m tougher on myself than on others. That’s not helpful.
The secret to being a more confident mom is to judge yourself the way you might judge a dad: with a kinder, more realistic standard. We’re all parents, and holding moms to a different rulebook chips away at confidence.
What if my bar for dads is very low?
Thankfully, many dads are more involved now than in past generations. If you grew up without that example, shifting your mindset might feel hard or unrealistic.
If judging yourself like a dad feels too big a leap, try this: imagine the scenario involves your best mom friend instead of you. We often give friends more grace than we give ourselves, so extend that same compassion to yourself.
You deserve that kindness.
If you’re reading this and wondering how to be a confident mom, know this: you’re doing a great job.
What helps you feel more confident as a mom?
Share your strategies or simple wins that help you breathe a little easier—because small changes and kinder thoughts can make a big difference.